Anorexia is fake

Please watch this video, it hurts because it's so true but you must watch it! I have never seen more truth and honesty in a video than this one. What I really just wanted to do is sum up that video, but with my own story and words.

I have been wanting to be skinny and dieting for as long as I can remember. I can vividly remember when I was in primary school, spending the whole of lunch twirling a hula-hoop because I hoped it would make my waist smaller and I did this for hours on end with no break. I used to sometime skip lunch in Year 5 (10 years old) as well, but then I didn't know what anorexia nervosa or bulimia was. Much later on (around when I was 11), my mum would often make comments saying I was obese, a pig, ate too much and much more. She said I was fat. And I believed her.

I wouldn't say my mother was the sole reason I turned to starving myself. It very rarely is just one singe turning point, but it did contribute. I also had this dream of becoming a model (one which I unfortunately still haven't given up!), I have this pressing need to be seen as perfect. My grades were brilliant, I was popular...now I just needed to have the body and it was all good. I thought size zero was reasonable; and that anyone who couldn't achieve it was just lazy.

I wanted confidence. But all I got was a crippled self-esteem. I wanted popularity. But I just received a permanent scar to my friendships. I wanted to be happy. But I didn't wake up a single day feeling valued or happy. I wanted to starve my emotional pain away. But I just got trapped in a vicious cycle of purging and binging, increasing my sense of worthlessness and pain.And most of all I wanted beauty. That thing people always love, adore but hide these urges inside. That thing which can cause judgement at first glance. At first I did get that. And I'm not gonna lie, but it felt fucking brilliant. But soon after I just got weak, I was unable to do the sports I loved and enjoyed. Ever tried doing gymnastics and doing cartwheels when you haven't eaten for a few days? Not fun. Or running a mini-marathon when the only thing you want to do, is stop the trembling of your muscles? I got constipation, and my hair fell out in massive clumps, one of the few things which I had prided myself with before.

But you just need to remember that;

"You are worth so much more."

So much more. No matter what anyone says, or does or hints. So, just stand up straight, hold your head high, and go about your life like there's a crown on your head; cause you may as well be that princess/prince you dreamed of once upon a time :)

Song of the Day:
Comptine d'Un Autre Été by Yann Tiersen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2-1u8xvk54&feature=related
Not technically a song, but it's so beautiful! Dreaming of being able to play this! It's French name translates as 'The Rhyme of Another Summer'

P.S. If you didn't get this, I am not saying anorexia is not a disease at all. It is such a serious illness and I am just showing the difference between what one who suffers from it may expect, and what they truly get in return.