How it all started

Current weight: 114lbs
BMI:  19.7

Anorexia never happens over night, it's gradual and usually happens from one innocent diet. But for me it started with wannarexia.

Wannarexia is a set of mind usually within teenage girls where it is thought to be 'trendy' or 'beautiful' and 'special' to be anorexic but these peoplearen't actually anorexic. And this is exactly how it started with me. One of my friends just transferred into my class in year 8 and she claimed to be anorexic, but she would often binge and eat normally. I don't know why but this angered me so much, even though I wasn't a wannarexic at the time, I started looking into the disease more deeply. I found lots of interesting thinspo (youtube videos which give you lots of quotes to help you persevere with not eating), pro-ana websites that sucked me into the world of perfect, size zero girls and a lot more. This world was beautiful to me.

July 2011 I was a disgusting 120lbs. Now I have a maintained weight of 114lbs and it's still not enough. A few weeks ago I hit size zero, but that soon disappeared in a binge I've been regretting so much. In the first two paragraphs it seems like I'm talking in the past tense, I'm not, the disease is still taking over, stronger than before. I want to be happy and not caring of what I ate. I want to erase the calorie numbers that jump at me with every single piece of food that I pick up. Trust me I do, but I just can't.