Apprehension

Deep breath. Deeps breaths. Or so I keep telling myself to do. I'm very much nervous for the Easter holidays. Because after Easter, begins the intense, utterly suffocating revising. Every teacher is talking about exams until they become your constant and only  thought :// It's a claustrophobic time, and with the ever-growing pressure of this necessity to succeed; it seems that it can only get worse. Girls have a tendency to think ahead more than boys. And so right now I'm thinking  that if I don't pass my end of year exams I will not only disapooint my parents, but my teachers as well. And this will be a reflection of my GCSE results. If I fail those I won't get into a good university, I won't have a good job, I won't have any money, no one will love me because I'm such a failure and I won't find happiness in life- because of these exams. Even I can see, that this is a bit of an over-reaction, but this is the poison that fuels my anxiety.

And exams week should be known as Doomsweek in my opinion. This may seem overly dramatic, especially those who are lucky enough not to have this crippling fear. But I'm really. Really. Really. Bad with exams. I fainted during one of my SATs :') I shake and tremble going to the exam room. I can barely speak because my throat is choked up with fear. It's awful.

What was originally a Christian celebration of the resurrection of Christ, has now
turned into a stretched session of stuffing one's face with chocolate eggs.

And the worst is when I think I do well, but I don't get bountiful grades. To me, a 'B' is awful. When other people get one, I'm fine with it, and if it's the best grade that they achieve in the subject, well good on them for reaching it. But when I think of myself getting a B, the whole ground seems to just swallow me up ._. I think how could I be so stupid? Such a failure? Thankfully I only had one last year, but still :( Having only one kinda makes it even worse in a way though, if you get what I mean?

I'm hoping this year I can manage to stay a little more level-headed, but I'm getting a little jittery already; I cna't really imagine the state of me three months from now.

Song of the Day
Sanssouci by Rufus Wainwright
My sister showed me this song when we went to Berlin to see Sanssouci. Which means without a worry in French. Which is exactly what my sister looked like when she was listening to the song. It was a dream really; we were walking in the Autumn with the golden leaves falling around us on our way there and our parents close behind us. It was quiet, and my sister just looked so relaxed, high eyes closed; relishing the chorus of the song. I wish I could play the day again like I do with this song, just to wipe all the pain from her face nowadays.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfXGxyuSJpM

Tweet of the Day

London make-up teens, take heed - beauty?

On a slightly/very different note from my last few posts, what do you think of this image?:

I personally quite like it. I'm a sucker for bright, primary colours. And for some reason, the first word I thought of when I saw this, was 'peacock', even though the national bird of India is main composed of brilliant teal and green colours instead of this fuschia and red. But I just really like the way it looks! Obviously it wouldn't be a look I'd wear casually or in my day-to-day, but it really stops you in your tracks when you see it, doesn't it? I actually found this image whilst I was Googling 'Beauty', and I'm quite glad that most images were either the above or the below left instead of those of the below right kind.

Why am I glad? Because some girls need a bit of a slap with a tampon (sorry for any males reading this) and just look at what YOU ARE PUTTING ON YOUR FACE. I actually don't see very many orange-faced, scouse-browed teens or even adults around here in London. Just people who like to put extra clumpy mascara and very red, flushed cheeks. Oh and the foundation mask. The awful foundation mask. If you pick a foundation that's too pale, or too dark, at least have the decency to blend it out with the rest of your body! Even a few swishes along your neck would be fine!

And it doesn't help for you to keep piling on the concealer, when you are already breaking out because of it! Let your skin breathe girls. I get very confused about the thought of people who put on make up for school. If there's one place where you can let go cause you're with all your friends who won't judge you, it's school. Plus you'd be clogging up your face at least 5 days a week, and that can just wreck havoc on your face if you're not getting rid of it properly. Maybe it's just because I go to a girl's school, but I would have thought that looks would have mattered even more because if you can't be bitch about guys, there's always looks. Oh well.

The beautiful Rihanna on the other hand, at the 2013v Grammy's:

WOW <3

Obviously there are many, many things I could say about London teens, and I am thinking about doing a little series on here about them (and teens around the world in general), but I thought I'd start with the girls first and with my tendency to Google weird things. 

Favourite song of the Day:

Impossible cover by James Arthur

Got to admit, I didn't really like this song when I first heard it. I was too used to the original, but I love this twist on it as well!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mhj15W23IjA

Favourite tweet of the Day

Orientation 2 - 4. The direction followed in the course of a trend, movement or development

I looked over my last post...and realised how very....bleghh I was XD I don't really have words to explain it, but I felt a little overbearing and cliché in it.... But I like to finish what I start, so this will just be a brief synopsis of what I was going to say. Comment below if you would like a bit more on any other topic though!

4. The direction followed in the course of a trend, movement or development

How well do you cope? Imagine something really awful happened to you. A death of someone close. A realisation that your dream will never come true. How would you handle it? People obviously do it in different ways. Some people prefer to channel it through anger. [bad] 

Some people channel it into extensive self-starvation and purging with sport (like I used to). [bad as well]

However, some others including myself, like to have a breakdown on the first day, or preferably first moment. [better than it sounds] 

Only then do you realise how you really feel about it. Cause sometimes the brain likes to change how you feel. Some people call it self-preservation, but I think it can sometimes be the opposite of that. Thinking that a situation isn't so bad, can lead you to convince and smother your turmoiling feelings. Feelings that need to go somewhere. And often it gets everything out in the open, and you feel a lot 'cleaner' the next day. Go on, try it some day. But just make sure that you don't just bottle everything within you. Now that's unhealthy. 

Maybe it could also be a popular trend or course in a river, I try desperately to plunge myself into it. This can be anything from a designer brand everyone in school loves, or that horrible stage in a teenage girl's life where it feels everyone in your year is dieting. I will force myself to follow this trend, paying no heed of my mental state. I'll just keep following it until the trend either dies out, or my mind collapses in on itself. You might see why I hope for the former. As you can see, this is a very unhealthy and bad way of coping with things. Do not do this. I've been getting a lot better recently, however I do have tendencies to go deep sea diving.

6. Sexual orientation

Now this is a topic for a whole series, no, season of blog posts. 

8. Pschology Awareness of the objective world in relation to one's self.

(See above)

I never really saw myself as being someone to give advice or motivation at all, but I guess that's what you get from me! :3

P.S. I didn't puposely choose to do just the evens. The particularly interesting topics happened to just be on those numbers. Bet the dictionary-person-writer did it on purpose.

Song of the Day:
Kiss You - cover by Tiffany Alvord
This is so cute! The stop download of this is hilarious! (If you want to know what I'm talking about, plan the video, right click, and press 'Stop download' and then you see the thumbnail for the video). Again another cover I heard before the original song, but I think I like this more!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnNyAZ57qLw

The below is my twitter account, but I couldn't find any other's at the moment. Hope you like it! And feel free to follow me @fackinghell if you do ;)


Favourite tweet of the day: