Friday, 4 November 2011

So I told my counsellor ://

Weight: 112.6lbs x_x
BMI: not quite sure

At break, I went to the lunch hall and for some reason I reached out and bought a quad choc cookie and ate it without thinking. Obviously I instantly regretted it but for some reason today the cookies were made at school so much better (so much more melted and hot) so I began thinking; I should be able to have two cookies without regretting it right? Don't I have a right to food? This thought stayed with me for an hour and then I made the mistake of visiting the counsellor. A mistake I'm very much regretting.

I started off telling her everything I was doing, how I'd lost 6kg since August (a very slow 2kg per month -_-) and even some really personal stuff but she just replied with blunt criticism. She kept going on  how bad it was me not eating anything after running during lunch. I honestly don't see what the big deal is. So I'm running over 2 miles a day and not eating after and skipping lunch all the time. I'm not dropping dead for god's sake. It's so annoying cause she's instantly assumed that I wanted another appointment and arranged one for me. I could not go but I'd feel really bad :// She wants me to eat a sandwich for lunch -fuck no. This is terrible for me though. I have the incredible desire of having to please people. So if I don't eat, I'll feel happy food-wise but my OCD of pleasing people will drive me up the walls and vice versa. 

What do I do?!

Song of the day:
Black and yellow
I used to really like this song :) found it in my Youtube recommendations^^

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