The end of the beginning - Part 3

Weight: 120lbs

BMI: 20.0

My mum forced me to weigh myself :'( When I told her I wasn't weighing myself regularly, she freaked out! She said you need to weigh yourself everyday so you can know if you need to eat less one day or more, detect any dramatic weight changes (huh, you'd think one would notice if day gained'dropped 5 kilos in a day?). She said she wouldn't cook me any dinner if I didn't weigh myself. How ironic life can be?

A few months ago it was my birthday (ok I lie...it was in March :') just shows how well I've kept to regular blogging...). I was having a joint birthday party with a friend and it was mainly a massive sleepover and since people were getting hungry, we added dinner at Cafe Rouge to the mix as well. Nearly everyone ordered the large chicken baguette but when I ordered a salad and small baguettes, people freaked out. The girl who I was actually having the joint part with said "You're not gonna ruin today with your eating now are you?" I thought it was enough, I had chomped my way through a couple of rollos and the small baguettes were pretty big. But eventually I complied with adding a small cup of chips. When some people tried to take some chips (as in the friendly everyone shares food way), two friends kept shouting at them saying "Don't take Jenni's chips! It's all she has to eat!" Quite awkward...

Now getting towards the end of the year in about mid-May, I wanted to bunk off a particular lesson because I didn't like it and hadn't done the homework. After wondering the school from browsing library books and loitering in the loos, I decided to go to the nurse. She knew I was having eating problems and most of the time I could just bring up an old problem for her to 'counsel' me about, a brilliant way at killing time. But when I entered her office and she said "Hello! I was actually about to call for you." I knew something was wrong. She continued by saying "How's you're eating?" When I replied more or less the same but getting better I guess that was my mistake. I should have said I was eating bucketfuls by the day, how I embraced food (loljk) and liked trying out new exotic delicacies.

"Well, I can see that you've had this problem for a long time, really before I was a nurse at this school. The headmistress has called for the nurse to call parents of students, who's lunch balances are either significantly higher or lower than average. Your's is significantly lower, with week long gaps before you eat anything at school. We'll have to make an appointment with your parents to discuss this. When are they most likely free?"

Honest to hell I cried a little. Mainly from shock and how I had no say whatsoever in this. I felt like I had stabbed in the back. I had confided in her, and now she was gonna tell my parents, who would make it a much bigger deal than it was. As I've said to before, the more people realised what I was, the more I felt like I had to live up high 'anorexic standards' thus pushing me even further. Last time I ever went to her for help. She even had me take part in the call. The meeting was scheduled for next week Wednesday straight after school, and I could feel my life coming to a close.

Song of the day:

Starships by Nicki Minaj

I loved this song the first time I heard it! It's addictive in a weird way?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=Nwz3z8CmIbI