Lost in a Wonderland Online; 2

But then I went afk, which then turned into a hiatus, not for very long, for about 3-4 months. But when I got back, things were wrong. I would be in a conversation with the whole guild, yet some would obviously not respond or converse with each other at all. Many made some very obvious jabs at each other which made each other. I noticed that there were a hell of new people but I didn't mind, they were just new people I could make friends with. But when I asked a close friend, she's almost like an aunt to me, what was actually happening.

She said the guild leader Zuli, had invited a lot of new people, and one including a guy called 'Angelisha' (*names all at least slightly changed for their privacy*) who was apparently changing the way things were run. Zuli was apparently putty in his hands, just eager to please him and do what he wanted to do, even if it was to go against the majority of the guild, the majority of her friends. And so one guy had set up another guild called AaB, and since the majority of my friends were going there, I decided to go as well. Unfortunately, that meant the end of that time and it really just went a bit downhill from there :(

Not a very decent picture, but still, the artists of this game are amazing!
I think this is so beautiful <3

Maybe I'm just being overly dramatic, sad and pathetic. But I really do miss them D: Now the new guild AaB is very, very quiet. Hardly anyone goes on, and it has been a long time since I heard anyone talk on it at all. I message a few people, but now what I'm trying to do is talk a lot more on (World) chat so that maybe I can make more friends and be able to find some people who are actually active. I could never bring myself to destroy the game fully, it's like one thing that reminds me of a happier time. It was truly a time where I was 'on top.' There were no exams, no financial problems, no nothing.

But  hey, it paid off, I got into all my schools, even scoring a full scholarship at one of the top 5 schools of London :D But I just miss it I guess x3 there probably will be a time where I will delete, just because whenever I go on it and no one's online, I get just that little bit sad xD

Completely unrelated quote of the day to leave you with a lighter note:

''More stuffed than a 12 year old's bra at a One Directions concert.'' -Anon 

Song of the Day:
Do you want to date my Avatar - The Guild
I actually youtubed this just for this post but I find it quite funny xD I couldn't bring myself to visually watch the whole thing though, tell me what you think of it? c:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urNyg1ftMIU

Empty hallways;

This is the bag which I was talking about that I bought from Granada :) If you go there, they're usually about €10 each, but some really rip off places charge up to €30! But you can haggle it lower and the best excuse is 'I only have €8.14...' *sad-face* and usually they'll let you, plus it's a great way to get rid of change ;) These bags are really pretty and can actually hold A LOT of stuff! They have two pockets in the front for your main accessories/stuff you need quick and regular access to (your phone, keys, wallet etc.) 



But beware, all the buttons will fall off, so make sure you have a couple handy at home, or just buy some really cheaply at local markets. When you pick your bad though, make you looks for any loose threads or other bad craftsmanship, you don't want your bag to start unravelling! They come in a whole variety of colours, and contain and I've been looking for a nice rucksack in London everywhere! But what I love about this is that when it's dirty, you can just pop it in the wash and all will be okay! 

Instead of just ending this as a very short post, I decided to begin my next series of blogs x3 so...prequel time! 

This sounds weird, but I used to LOVE this online game called Wonderland Online. I went on it when I was about 10-12 and I loved it so much. But when I was 11, revision for my 11+ exams began (so that I could gain entry into a secondary school). My time online went from everyday, to once a week...once a month....and then once every December (we go to China for Christmas and my computer there used to be the only one that had the program installed). But every time I went on, I was filled with both incredible joy and melancholy. The glorious virtual music would make me feel like as if I was on an adventure, and I get filled with a childish glee when new quests have been added.

But then people started leaving. They left without a trace. Some of the closest unfortunately without any contact details whatsoever. But this story is way too long to explain in one blog post...so I'm really sorry...but I may have to bore you with more of my sequel posts!

'I was in a guild LaF (standing for Lost and Found). It was such a wonderful guild, everyone was so friendly, it was childish of me to say it was almost like a utopia. People were active, they talked regularly on guild chat so you were never lonely, there was always someone to help you in a quest, everyone saw each other as family- we even called each other sisters/brother/mum/uncle/dad etc. I can confidently and seriously say that I was friends with the 60 or so people in that guild. It was a great time :D

One girl I found out was living in England as well! This caused me to rejoice as with the majority of sites and virtual worlds, most of the users were American :3 We added each other on Facebook, she's slightly older than me by 2 years, but we got along really well! And I can't really remember how this came about, but we just started writing letters to each other :) We both loved drawings and we would just send each other pictures, and doodle as well xD

Song of the Day:
Halo (by Beyonce) piano cover by David Sides
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACU7tgqvqbk&feature=relmfu
Most of you will probably know who David Sides is, but for those who don't - where have you been??! He is an amazing pianist on YouTube has recently stopped making videos :'( he still has some of his old ones and this is my favourite one!

P.S. I have an asking forum! Feel free to ask me any questions you have on: http://ask.fm/account/questions

Granada!

Outside our Spanish school :) Which painfully, decided to situate itself right on top of a hill which we had to hike up every morning :<

Wikipedia photo cred*

Granada was amazing! I was there for 5 days from October 10th til the 15th. It was a little tough, we had about 3 hours of lessons a day (not quite the holiday we were expecting as you can see;) ) It was a total of 15 hours of lessons but it was all really enjoyable. They all really fun and helped us a lot. Plus I learned to roll my r's! :D For the first 14 years of life I could not roll a single r to save my life but now I occasionally can :D My mum does it really really well *-* I'm so jealous! If only it was hereditary!

We went to visit Alhambra, the jewel of Granada, and some say of the whole of Spain. It is an Islamic  palace complex built in the Nasrid dynasty (:o I said that before checking on wikipedia! xD Sorry random~). It was constructed during the mid 10th century in Andalus. It's really beautifully crafted, and it makes me think of the lengths people will go for their faith :3 It reminded me a bit of Istanbul really. I wore gold-tinted sunglasses and so it felt as if I was in Indiana Jones or something exploring the left ruins of a temple xD The name 'Alhambra' means 'La roja' in Spanish or the red castle in English :) The picture on the above right shows the Court of the Lions and the photo on the above left is one detail of the arabesques (both photo creds go to Wikipedia, no copyright infringement intended).

The sky in Granada is really beautiful!

I feel that if I try to describe the whole trip it'll never end xD It was a wonderful trip and now we're all planning gifts to give to the Spanish teachers who came, took us and organised this whole amazing trip :) We also visited Córdoba a small town near Granada in Southern Spain. The city is influenced by 3 main cultures, the Romans, the Muslims and the Jewish. I'll post the things which we bought during our shopping time on my next blog post :) Oh and did you know that pomegranates are from Granada? The town was actually named after the fruit! So if you translate Granada directly, it just means pomegranates! I've gotten into the habit of calling them in pomegranadas in England now... But it's like instead of Birmingham and Manchester, we'd have Scones and Earl Grey Tea as cities! Pienso que, mi español ha mejorado! Hasta la vista chicos!

Song of the day:
Skyfall by Adele
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HKoqNJtMTQ
At first when I heard this I was like 'whaaa?' but it's one of those songs which you love the more you play it :D

Back!

x.x I've literally only just come back from Granada a couple of days ago, and with catching up on all schoolwork and unpacking it's been a nightmare! But I made a promise to post today, and I always do my best to keep them. Granada was brilliant, I'll hopefully be able to do a whole synopsis of it later in the week. It was a great trip, but there were definitely some problems which I will mention later on in my next post. But I just say this video, about a girl who was telling her 'If you really knew me story.' And I really felt for her :( it was so moving especially when she was re-read the taunts. You have to and see it, my heart goes out to this girl <3 She's so brave to make this video and so are all the other hundreds of girls who have done the same (link below).

It really makes my problems seem positively miniscule, melodramatic and pointless in comparison.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLolyWnST3w&feature=endscreen&NR=1

Oh and someone lovingly posted 'Are you just posting this to get views? Anas are freaks' Unfortunately these comments cannot help but in response, no I am not posting any of these to get views. I was posting when I had zero views and I'm still posting no matter how many I get. Sure it's nice to see that some people actually might read or listen to what I have to say. I must admit, I get excited when I see weekly regular hits from Germany, America, Russia, China and all over the world. But even if I didn't, I'd still be posting. My regular posts on Saturday help create a routine for me where there sometimes isn't one, and maybe one or two people out there find a regular timetable helpful instead of my previously erratic one where I'd do 3 in a row and then leave a year in between. Blogging's a nice way to vent, everyone does it for different reasons, but mine aren't to get more views.

Song of the day:
Comptine d'un autre été: l'après midi- Yann Tiersen (again I know, sorry!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZJDNSp1QJA
So amazing! I love this song and I can't wait to learn to play it <3 The animation is really sweet as well.

Promise a better post in the next few days! <3

A little help in your recovery

This may perhaps be the last post I do on my recovery; so that maybe perhaps, it can be put behind :) I do not mind talking about it again in the future (this will most likely include any relapses I experience), but are there any other topics anyone would like me to discuss? It can be anything..from reviews to just general journal entries, DIY to drawings; feel free to leave a comment in the down below! I have a youtube channel as well: http://www.youtube.com/user/ThisPiggyHasWings

But moving on, here is a speech that I recently found. It was by the LIMU founder and CEO. (Here's an interesting fact: Limu is the Hawaiian word for algae! ;)) But I felt the need to share this with you all, no matter what situation you might be in, or if just need a little pick-me-up towards the end of your day:

Life is tough, that's a given.

When you stand up, you're gonna be shoved back down.

When you're down, you're gonna be stepped on.

My advice to you doesn't come with a lot of bells and whistles. It's no secret, you'll fall down, you stumble, you get pushed, you land square on your face. And every time that happens, you get back on your feet. 

You get up just as fast as you can, no matter how many times you need to do it.

Remember this, success has been and continues to be defined as getting up one more time than you've been knocked down.

If experience has taught me anything, it's that nothing is free and living ain't easy. 

Life is hard, real hard, incredibly hard. You fail more often than you win, nobody is handing you anything.

It's up to you to puff up your chest, stretch your neck and overcome all that is difficult, the nasty, the mean, the unfair.

You want more than what you've now, PROVE IT!

You want beat the very best out there that is, prove it.

Get out there and earn it.

-Gary Raser


I absolutely love this speech! I've changed it a little to suit these circumstances but this is still incredibly inspiring and motivational, I try and remember this speech during gymnastics but it can be used in all sorts of situations.

I hate seeing anyone going through this, but I know there's hundreds of thousands of people going through this right now. Some may be on the edge of becoming what I was, some already well in the clasp of anorexia, and to be honest, this sounds corny but it's really true; if I could stop one person from becoming this or make a current anorexic at least rethink what they're doing, then I'll feel like I've achieved a massive goal. But really, the harsh truth is, no one who has seriously experienced anorexia says starving is good/beneficial. If you do want to find someone who does, I'm afraid the only place you'll  find them is at their graves.

Song of the day:

One more by Superchick
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBqYvPZWHAs

To tie in with the theme of the speech :) This is one probably the best songs to workout to in my opinion! You. Can. Do. It.

P.S. I won't be able to do a blog post next week, I'll be in Granada on a Spanish school trip! See you again on 20/10/12

Anorexia is fake

Please watch this video, it hurts because it's so true but you must watch it! I have never seen more truth and honesty in a video than this one. What I really just wanted to do is sum up that video, but with my own story and words.

I have been wanting to be skinny and dieting for as long as I can remember. I can vividly remember when I was in primary school, spending the whole of lunch twirling a hula-hoop because I hoped it would make my waist smaller and I did this for hours on end with no break. I used to sometime skip lunch in Year 5 (10 years old) as well, but then I didn't know what anorexia nervosa or bulimia was. Much later on (around when I was 11), my mum would often make comments saying I was obese, a pig, ate too much and much more. She said I was fat. And I believed her.

I wouldn't say my mother was the sole reason I turned to starving myself. It very rarely is just one singe turning point, but it did contribute. I also had this dream of becoming a model (one which I unfortunately still haven't given up!), I have this pressing need to be seen as perfect. My grades were brilliant, I was popular...now I just needed to have the body and it was all good. I thought size zero was reasonable; and that anyone who couldn't achieve it was just lazy.

I wanted confidence. But all I got was a crippled self-esteem. I wanted popularity. But I just received a permanent scar to my friendships. I wanted to be happy. But I didn't wake up a single day feeling valued or happy. I wanted to starve my emotional pain away. But I just got trapped in a vicious cycle of purging and binging, increasing my sense of worthlessness and pain.And most of all I wanted beauty. That thing people always love, adore but hide these urges inside. That thing which can cause judgement at first glance. At first I did get that. And I'm not gonna lie, but it felt fucking brilliant. But soon after I just got weak, I was unable to do the sports I loved and enjoyed. Ever tried doing gymnastics and doing cartwheels when you haven't eaten for a few days? Not fun. Or running a mini-marathon when the only thing you want to do, is stop the trembling of your muscles? I got constipation, and my hair fell out in massive clumps, one of the few things which I had prided myself with before.

But you just need to remember that;

"You are worth so much more."

So much more. No matter what anyone says, or does or hints. So, just stand up straight, hold your head high, and go about your life like there's a crown on your head; cause you may as well be that princess/prince you dreamed of once upon a time :)

Song of the Day:
Comptine d'Un Autre Été by Yann Tiersen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2-1u8xvk54&feature=related
Not technically a song, but it's so beautiful! Dreaming of being able to play this! It's French name translates as 'The Rhyme of Another Summer'

P.S. If you didn't get this, I am not saying anorexia is not a disease at all. It is such a serious illness and I am just showing the difference between what one who suffers from it may expect, and what they truly get in return.

Pro-ana sites

When I was in the deeper throes of my anorexia (is it weird that I shiver a bit inside every time I say that?), I would spend hours a day browsing pro-ana sites. Not necessarily everday, but the story is, I spent a significant amount of time on those sites. Diet sites. Weight-loss sites. Starvation sites. I bookmarked each one. I made friends on pro-ana sites, and we were determined to help each other become thin.

These friends felt like my saviours. They understood me in and out. We might be in different situations; one girl was even serious enough to have been an in-patient for a number of weeks, but we understood each other. No one can really understand until they experience what it is like, to have someone understand you inside and out. To understand your main hopes and fears so clearly, because they were experiencing the same (with no better word to put it) disease. This bond was deeper than having a boyfriend/girlfriend.  Anonymity allowed me to open up to them a lot more than my actual friends. I have actually aclways been afraid of opening up to my friends for fear of appearing weak. I was often the strong, solid rock which my friends relied on or received support. To them I was strong, both physically and emotionally so I could not be weak in any way. No drama would be caused if I told them about the food I ate. No panic attack from my parents. Plus there was also the benefit of having an outsider giving you advice about some problems you may have at work, home or school.

Trust me, you are :)

But do not get a pro-ana friend. It was only until I could let go of them all (even the ones that had helped me recover), that I myself, would recover. I felt like I had a duty towards them, I would continue my pursuit to a sick 'perfection' even if they were recovering. So eventually I let go of them. It saved me from the shame I would experience of telling them that I had recovered as well (but I know that they too would be pleased. They too wanted to recover so much, but for a while like me, they just couldn't). Delete those sites. Delete the texts. You don't have to delete the numbers but you have to let go of them.

Song of the day:
One More Night - Cover by The Fergies
LOVE the beginning! Definitely a band to watch out for :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3c1_yANkGSQ&feature=g-u-u