Apprehension

Deep breath. Deeps breaths. Or so I keep telling myself to do. I'm very much nervous for the Easter holidays. Because after Easter, begins the intense, utterly suffocating revising. Every teacher is talking about exams until they become your constant and only  thought :// It's a claustrophobic time, and with the ever-growing pressure of this necessity to succeed; it seems that it can only get worse. Girls have a tendency to think ahead more than boys. And so right now I'm thinking  that if I don't pass my end of year exams I will not only disapooint my parents, but my teachers as well. And this will be a reflection of my GCSE results. If I fail those I won't get into a good university, I won't have a good job, I won't have any money, no one will love me because I'm such a failure and I won't find happiness in life- because of these exams. Even I can see, that this is a bit of an over-reaction, but this is the poison that fuels my anxiety.

And exams week should be known as Doomsweek in my opinion. This may seem overly dramatic, especially those who are lucky enough not to have this crippling fear. But I'm really. Really. Really. Bad with exams. I fainted during one of my SATs :') I shake and tremble going to the exam room. I can barely speak because my throat is choked up with fear. It's awful.

What was originally a Christian celebration of the resurrection of Christ, has now
turned into a stretched session of stuffing one's face with chocolate eggs.

And the worst is when I think I do well, but I don't get bountiful grades. To me, a 'B' is awful. When other people get one, I'm fine with it, and if it's the best grade that they achieve in the subject, well good on them for reaching it. But when I think of myself getting a B, the whole ground seems to just swallow me up ._. I think how could I be so stupid? Such a failure? Thankfully I only had one last year, but still :( Having only one kinda makes it even worse in a way though, if you get what I mean?

I'm hoping this year I can manage to stay a little more level-headed, but I'm getting a little jittery already; I cna't really imagine the state of me three months from now.

Song of the Day
Sanssouci by Rufus Wainwright
My sister showed me this song when we went to Berlin to see Sanssouci. Which means without a worry in French. Which is exactly what my sister looked like when she was listening to the song. It was a dream really; we were walking in the Autumn with the golden leaves falling around us on our way there and our parents close behind us. It was quiet, and my sister just looked so relaxed, high eyes closed; relishing the chorus of the song. I wish I could play the day again like I do with this song, just to wipe all the pain from her face nowadays.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfXGxyuSJpM

Tweet of the Day

Languages

I have just finished a flurry of exams, including my Mandarin GCSE coursework controlled assessments! Mandarin is not my first language, nor is it my second (although everyone assumes so because I'm Chinese). To me, your 'first language' is the first one you had contact with and you are very fluent. Maybe not your most fluent language, but it is the first language you were exposed to and so usually the one you speak and learn in. And so for me it goes:

1. Shanghainese

2. English

3. Mandarin

4. Spanish

(Oh and it can only count as a language if you can go to the country, and see yourself not desperately struggling if you lived there for a week or something xD). Now, some may say 'DAFUQ IS SHANGHAICRAPANESE??!!' 

Basically, it is a dialect, that is spoken in Shanghai. To me at least, it is a very casual sort of language. There are some words which are pretty similar to Mandarin, but in general, most words are completely different. More or less ALL Shanghainese speakers speak Mandarin, but this is not the same vice versa. In fact, most Mandarin speakers can't speak Mandarin. And this dialect, like many others, contains phrases, idioms, etc. that cannot be expressed in other languages, and any other possible translations doesn't capture the essence of what it means. At all. Do you really think Chinese people have prosperity and longevity in their normal dialect??!

TICK. TICK. TICK. TICK. TICK. GREAT, IT'S FULFILLED ALL SAID REQUIREMENTS. AND STILL NOTHING.

Shanghainese and Mandarin are even more different from each other than Spanish and Italian. So I don't see why it doesn't qualify as a language. I must digress though, 99.9% it isn't written. But in some circumstances (I can't think of any), people felt the need to have to write in down. And apparently the Shanghainese peeps were a bit lazy, and so said 'Let's use Mandarin instead,' and so Mandarin words are used to pronounce the characters. (see below, sorry if I made your phone spaz, I know some asian characters do do that to some devices. That's a hint you should GET IT UPGRADED. Just a tip.)

Shanghainese:

‘侬好！侬看到古伊伐？’

Mandarin:

‘你好！你看见过他吗？’

English:

Hello! Have you seen him (around)?'

Anyways, that's my rant over. So if you ever happen to stumble across someone who thinks otherwise, direct them kindly here, or give them a noogie from me. Yes. I actually said noogie.

Song of the Day:

Don't you Worry Child - Swedish House Mafia cover by Freak Morice (I don't like their new band name, so I'll stick with their old one).

I have yet to decide if the original or cover is better. But this is a good twist on the song, and I like how much more stripped down and raw it is in comparison and still sounds good. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4t_f-v6Tww

Favourite tweet of the day: