Apprehension

Deep breath. Deeps breaths. Or so I keep telling myself to do. I'm very much nervous for the Easter holidays. Because after Easter, begins the intense, utterly suffocating revising. Every teacher is talking about exams until they become your constant and only  thought :// It's a claustrophobic time, and with the ever-growing pressure of this necessity to succeed; it seems that it can only get worse. Girls have a tendency to think ahead more than boys. And so right now I'm thinking  that if I don't pass my end of year exams I will not only disapooint my parents, but my teachers as well. And this will be a reflection of my GCSE results. If I fail those I won't get into a good university, I won't have a good job, I won't have any money, no one will love me because I'm such a failure and I won't find happiness in life- because of these exams. Even I can see, that this is a bit of an over-reaction, but this is the poison that fuels my anxiety.

And exams week should be known as Doomsweek in my opinion. This may seem overly dramatic, especially those who are lucky enough not to have this crippling fear. But I'm really. Really. Really. Bad with exams. I fainted during one of my SATs :') I shake and tremble going to the exam room. I can barely speak because my throat is choked up with fear. It's awful.

What was originally a Christian celebration of the resurrection of Christ, has now
turned into a stretched session of stuffing one's face with chocolate eggs.

And the worst is when I think I do well, but I don't get bountiful grades. To me, a 'B' is awful. When other people get one, I'm fine with it, and if it's the best grade that they achieve in the subject, well good on them for reaching it. But when I think of myself getting a B, the whole ground seems to just swallow me up ._. I think how could I be so stupid? Such a failure? Thankfully I only had one last year, but still :( Having only one kinda makes it even worse in a way though, if you get what I mean?

I'm hoping this year I can manage to stay a little more level-headed, but I'm getting a little jittery already; I cna't really imagine the state of me three months from now.

Song of the Day
Sanssouci by Rufus Wainwright
My sister showed me this song when we went to Berlin to see Sanssouci. Which means without a worry in French. Which is exactly what my sister looked like when she was listening to the song. It was a dream really; we were walking in the Autumn with the golden leaves falling around us on our way there and our parents close behind us. It was quiet, and my sister just looked so relaxed, high eyes closed; relishing the chorus of the song. I wish I could play the day again like I do with this song, just to wipe all the pain from her face nowadays.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfXGxyuSJpM

Tweet of the Day

2013!

First of all, many apologies for my lack of posting! I've spent the last 3 weeks in China, and I had no idea that Blogger would be banned over there! I spent the holiday trying to access it via various proxies but unfortunately none of them would get me past the log in stage! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year's, hopefully I can make up the lost posts as soon as possible! Best wishes for what this year has in store for us! Now let's get started on this post~~

Hello there :3 I can't believe another year has passed. I won't try to make a hundred different new year's resolutions where I struggle to keep count of them let alone follow them for 365 days. But I'll say a few of my hopes for the new year. On Decemeber 31st I was going round my normal routine, nothing really exciting to be honest, and it wasn't until about 10.43pm when I realised, 'Fuck. It's 2013 tomorrow.' It came as a bit of a shock really.

I didn't quite know what to do.

If I look back, I can't remember much, but I feel happy about it. It was pretty tough I remember, especially around May and June, which were exam months. But I got through it. And I'm proud of it. My music exams are done, I'm anxious for my big January exams, but I've worked hard and I'll be ready as I'll ever be. I'm eating now as well, which is good. I haven't done anything stupid that has stood out to be which is great as well.

So here's my New Year's Resolution countdown that I'll leave with you, I hope you'll consider it as one of yours as well~

5. When you are saying YES to someone else, make sure you are not saying NO to yourself.

4. Life is sorrow. Overcome it. Life is a challenge. Overcome it. Life is an adventure. Dare it.

3. [Myself] Right now, someone is out there having the best day of their lives. Make that person YOU!

2. Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain. But you can't make a rainbow, without a little rain.

1. No matter what happens, keep shooting for the moon, because even if you fail, you'll land amongst the stars <3

Happy New Year everyone~