Multitasking

Multitasking. Now this is something I do a lot of. Whenever I am on the computer, I am always looking at two things on once. I will adjust half my screen to fit YouTube or 4oD, and on my right side will be one internet window with about 20 tabs, which include all the things I need to do. For example email messages that need replying, Duke of Edinburgh entries that need writing, my Facebook, research for a paper that needs to be done, blog posts that need writing ;) etc. This sort of gives me a sense of urgency whenever I go on the computer. It isn't relaxing for me. It isn't a break really. It's more a long to-do list which is somewhat enjoyable but not really where I can let go.

I, however, am not a balding man . 

This is because I can't bare to let myself relax. To give myself up to just under an hour of relaxation everyday. In my mind I have to be using my time to its greatest efficiency. So even if I am watching How I Met Your Mother or a makeup tutorial on Youtube, I have to be something productive in the mean time. I mean, how dare I do something which relies on my mind to be numb for a few minutes. Otherwise I just become a waste of space, right?

To give a sense of how extreme it can get, I'll show you EXACTLY what I'm doing now.

1. Writing a blog
2. Typing
3. Muted the ad for Revenge (great show!!) so that I can
4. Listen to music during it.
5. Eating an orange
6. Getting annoyed at my headphones cause one of the speakers within has come loose so it makes a rattling noise when I move my head D:
7. Get worried at how I have to start homework in 7 minutes

Looking back on this list, I can see how stressful it looks. But this

Ir's been bred into my current environment that knowledge is everything. Life is a competitive and painful thing, and if you slack off, you are going to fail in life. And so every moment, must be used. Combine this with my twisted version of carpe diem, every wasted moment is a failure. I guess it softens my first statement, with the fact that these moments can also be used for moments of pure joy, but it gives extremes. Either extreme happiness or extreme studiousness.

I really need to chill the fuck down.

What sort of things do you guys like to multitask? Perhaps I'm not the only odd, stressed out person :)

Song of the Day
Ho Hey by the Lumineers
The chorus is quite catchy. This is also the song which I was listening to whilst watching Revenge. I guess this is what some people would call 'hipster' but I couldn't really give a crap either way. I listen to music because I like it, not because it falls any particular category. Plus I've heard this song reach #6 on Capital FM Big Top 40, does that mean it's not hipster anymore? Silly earthlings.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8311YhEEbU


Tweet of the Day

An amazing achievement <3 I'm so glad this has gone through! Found this on 11.03.13

Hacked account

I've been on GaiaOnline for 5 years now. You see, since I'm quite young, that's quite a significant chunk of my life. It's true that whilst I was working towards my 11+ exams and a little afterwards, I went on it only few times, especially since my school friends stopped using it as well. But it was still a nice part to log onto it. Just like Wonderland Online, it was a part of my childhood happiness, and like many other pieces I keep trying to keep a hold of. I know I'll have to let go eventually, but it's just quite nice holding onto everything for just that little bit longer. After all, what everyone wants is a little slice of happiness right? :)

But on February 16 it all changed :( I looked on my account, and I saw that I had a few private messages. Strange, because I remembered that I hadn't replied to the ones I had before. But then I realised they were notifications for me selling stuff on the website marketplace. Then I looked at my gold balance. From about 2,600,000g to 932g. Utter shock is the only way I could describe it. Basically, my hacker had sold all my 'higher' items (i.e ones above the value of 100k), sold them VERY cheaply (so a 2mil item would be sold for 200k) in order to generate quick cash. Then they used my account to buy an item (usually 2g) for 3.2 million D:< And this way I wouldn't be able to track who this person was. Sucks.

I've reported it now, now all I can do is wait and see if I can get any of it back :3

I'm just glad I'm not like those 'vendors' on the site. Basically, they like to buy hundreds of one item and then sell them a few weeks, months, or years later when the items value in the user marketplace rises. Most of the time the profits are marginal which is why they have to sell in vast quantities. But sometimes (especially with evolving items), they can receive massive profits. However this often results in a user who is constantly on Gaia buying and selling, keeping a close eye on marketplace changes. Sounds too tiring to me for online money.

Song of the Day
Hall of Fame by The Script ft. Will.I.Am
Can't believe I've never put this song on here before! It's a great motivational song <3 Have a listen, you won't regret it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk48xRzuNvA

Tweet of the Day

Apprehension

Deep breath. Deeps breaths. Or so I keep telling myself to do. I'm very much nervous for the Easter holidays. Because after Easter, begins the intense, utterly suffocating revising. Every teacher is talking about exams until they become your constant and only  thought :// It's a claustrophobic time, and with the ever-growing pressure of this necessity to succeed; it seems that it can only get worse. Girls have a tendency to think ahead more than boys. And so right now I'm thinking  that if I don't pass my end of year exams I will not only disapooint my parents, but my teachers as well. And this will be a reflection of my GCSE results. If I fail those I won't get into a good university, I won't have a good job, I won't have any money, no one will love me because I'm such a failure and I won't find happiness in life- because of these exams. Even I can see, that this is a bit of an over-reaction, but this is the poison that fuels my anxiety.

And exams week should be known as Doomsweek in my opinion. This may seem overly dramatic, especially those who are lucky enough not to have this crippling fear. But I'm really. Really. Really. Bad with exams. I fainted during one of my SATs :') I shake and tremble going to the exam room. I can barely speak because my throat is choked up with fear. It's awful.

What was originally a Christian celebration of the resurrection of Christ, has now
turned into a stretched session of stuffing one's face with chocolate eggs.

And the worst is when I think I do well, but I don't get bountiful grades. To me, a 'B' is awful. When other people get one, I'm fine with it, and if it's the best grade that they achieve in the subject, well good on them for reaching it. But when I think of myself getting a B, the whole ground seems to just swallow me up ._. I think how could I be so stupid? Such a failure? Thankfully I only had one last year, but still :( Having only one kinda makes it even worse in a way though, if you get what I mean?

I'm hoping this year I can manage to stay a little more level-headed, but I'm getting a little jittery already; I cna't really imagine the state of me three months from now.

Song of the Day
Sanssouci by Rufus Wainwright
My sister showed me this song when we went to Berlin to see Sanssouci. Which means without a worry in French. Which is exactly what my sister looked like when she was listening to the song. It was a dream really; we were walking in the Autumn with the golden leaves falling around us on our way there and our parents close behind us. It was quiet, and my sister just looked so relaxed, high eyes closed; relishing the chorus of the song. I wish I could play the day again like I do with this song, just to wipe all the pain from her face nowadays.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfXGxyuSJpM

Tweet of the Day

London make-up teens, take heed - beauty?

On a slightly/very different note from my last few posts, what do you think of this image?:

I personally quite like it. I'm a sucker for bright, primary colours. And for some reason, the first word I thought of when I saw this, was 'peacock', even though the national bird of India is main composed of brilliant teal and green colours instead of this fuschia and red. But I just really like the way it looks! Obviously it wouldn't be a look I'd wear casually or in my day-to-day, but it really stops you in your tracks when you see it, doesn't it? I actually found this image whilst I was Googling 'Beauty', and I'm quite glad that most images were either the above or the below left instead of those of the below right kind.

Why am I glad? Because some girls need a bit of a slap with a tampon (sorry for any males reading this) and just look at what YOU ARE PUTTING ON YOUR FACE. I actually don't see very many orange-faced, scouse-browed teens or even adults around here in London. Just people who like to put extra clumpy mascara and very red, flushed cheeks. Oh and the foundation mask. The awful foundation mask. If you pick a foundation that's too pale, or too dark, at least have the decency to blend it out with the rest of your body! Even a few swishes along your neck would be fine!

And it doesn't help for you to keep piling on the concealer, when you are already breaking out because of it! Let your skin breathe girls. I get very confused about the thought of people who put on make up for school. If there's one place where you can let go cause you're with all your friends who won't judge you, it's school. Plus you'd be clogging up your face at least 5 days a week, and that can just wreck havoc on your face if you're not getting rid of it properly. Maybe it's just because I go to a girl's school, but I would have thought that looks would have mattered even more because if you can't be bitch about guys, there's always looks. Oh well.

The beautiful Rihanna on the other hand, at the 2013v Grammy's:

WOW <3

Obviously there are many, many things I could say about London teens, and I am thinking about doing a little series on here about them (and teens around the world in general), but I thought I'd start with the girls first and with my tendency to Google weird things. 

Favourite song of the Day:

Impossible cover by James Arthur

Got to admit, I didn't really like this song when I first heard it. I was too used to the original, but I love this twist on it as well!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mhj15W23IjA

Favourite tweet of the Day

Orientation 2 - 4. The direction followed in the course of a trend, movement or development

I looked over my last post...and realised how very....bleghh I was XD I don't really have words to explain it, but I felt a little overbearing and cliché in it.... But I like to finish what I start, so this will just be a brief synopsis of what I was going to say. Comment below if you would like a bit more on any other topic though!

4. The direction followed in the course of a trend, movement or development

How well do you cope? Imagine something really awful happened to you. A death of someone close. A realisation that your dream will never come true. How would you handle it? People obviously do it in different ways. Some people prefer to channel it through anger. [bad] 

Some people channel it into extensive self-starvation and purging with sport (like I used to). [bad as well]

However, some others including myself, like to have a breakdown on the first day, or preferably first moment. [better than it sounds] 

Only then do you realise how you really feel about it. Cause sometimes the brain likes to change how you feel. Some people call it self-preservation, but I think it can sometimes be the opposite of that. Thinking that a situation isn't so bad, can lead you to convince and smother your turmoiling feelings. Feelings that need to go somewhere. And often it gets everything out in the open, and you feel a lot 'cleaner' the next day. Go on, try it some day. But just make sure that you don't just bottle everything within you. Now that's unhealthy. 

Maybe it could also be a popular trend or course in a river, I try desperately to plunge myself into it. This can be anything from a designer brand everyone in school loves, or that horrible stage in a teenage girl's life where it feels everyone in your year is dieting. I will force myself to follow this trend, paying no heed of my mental state. I'll just keep following it until the trend either dies out, or my mind collapses in on itself. You might see why I hope for the former. As you can see, this is a very unhealthy and bad way of coping with things. Do not do this. I've been getting a lot better recently, however I do have tendencies to go deep sea diving.

6. Sexual orientation

Now this is a topic for a whole series, no, season of blog posts. 

8. Pschology Awareness of the objective world in relation to one's self.

(See above)

I never really saw myself as being someone to give advice or motivation at all, but I guess that's what you get from me! :3

P.S. I didn't puposely choose to do just the evens. The particularly interesting topics happened to just be on those numbers. Bet the dictionary-person-writer did it on purpose.

Song of the Day:
Kiss You - cover by Tiffany Alvord
This is so cute! The stop download of this is hilarious! (If you want to know what I'm talking about, plan the video, right click, and press 'Stop download' and then you see the thumbnail for the video). Again another cover I heard before the original song, but I think I like this more!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnNyAZ57qLw

The below is my twitter account, but I couldn't find any other's at the moment. Hope you like it! And feel free to follow me @fackinghell if you do ;)


Favourite tweet of the day:

Orientation

I was searching high and low for a topic. I'd quite like to talk about lots of different subjects, and not just my eating disorder (despite how many times it may or may not flare up). But I really didn't know which topic to talk about, I mean, it's easy when something interesting happens in your life, or you're geared up for a rant like my last one but otherwise it's a toughie. And so I decided to resort to a Random Word Generator. I remember basing art on things, for example, I had to draw a picture that had something to do with 'petals' or even harder was something like 'conscience' or 'comb' without having to directly draw a petal, comb, etc. 

And so, the first good word I got, was 'orientation.' I say good, because the first word I actually got was 'Table' and I ain't got nothing on that.

Hopefully I won't get all deep and meaningful like many a countless blog post- you can see how well I plan my posts; but I'll have a crack at it. And since I just tried to find the definition of pharmacogoblivion, we'll see what the definition of orientation is according to Mr Online-Free-Dictionary. I'll talk about a few of the definitions, but not all, partially might be because we'd be here forever and you'd run screaming from such a long blog post, and partially because I may or may not understand some of the definitions themselves; evern though I am perfectly capable of using 'orientation; in a sentence. I think.

2. Location or position relative to the points of the compass

Let's imagine the points of the compass as your goals. Goals, because they're slightly less overdone than friends and family. North - Your ultimate goal. South- That **** that keeps pulling you back! This is something in a physical form, like a demeaning sister, a mean boss, just someone who seems to make a little more difficult and problematic. East and West- Your own personal demons. Can you see which of those have most power on making you stray from your course? Your own personal demons. 

For me, my East in the overachieving side that strives for all or nothing, pushes the limits and won't settle for even a millimeter less. My West in the self-punishing side. That when East fails, it hurtles me to the West. Going North is hard, colder climates and harsher living conditions, but once you get there, it's a brilliant view, and often, a once in a life time experience. I could continue with the geography analogies but I'm afraid of boring half my audience ;3 

The basics are, set your North properly. You don't want to decide halfway through your journey to the Arctic, that 'hey, why not go to Bangladesh instead?' With that, indecisiveness could be your East. STICK TO YOUR JOURNEY. Especially you're going to tell someone about it. There's nothing worse than hearing someone trying to lose weight one week, and completely giving up and saying weight loss is stupid and saying that girls are beautiful in all sizes. Girls are. But that is not for you to use an excuse cause you couldn't stick to something. Even if your journey to the North seems tough, stick to it. You haven't given something a real try unless you overcome some hurdles with it. Because until you do, only then can you make judgement and declare whether it's worthwhile or not. Emphasis on some, I don't want people to drive themselves pursuing something with all their energy and then realising it's genuinely not for them. 

And last of all, cut the south out of your life. Like seriously. If he/she is purposely doing these bad, horrible things, then cut it out. Obviously with some people such as a boss, it's a lot harder and easier said than done. But if you can, find a new job. Of course it's a completely different matter if they're not doing it on purpose. Have a word with them, how can you blame that person if you haven't even told them it's making you feel bad? Remember though, it takes 42 muscles to frown and keep it, but just 4 to bitchslap them.

Confession time: I get very self-conscious and paranoid with composing long pieces of texts. This includes texts, blog posts, etc. everything except essays. And so I really must stop, before I start deleting masses of chunks of this extremely long post D: Until the next post for more definitions....

Song of the Day:

Dance with Me composed by Dario Marianelli (Anna Karenina the movie soundtrack)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kORsK9-T2ps

Wow. Wow. Wow, I love this. Almost a bit too much. It isn't really great if you don't watch the movie, but this is the melody that plays during the ballroom scene between Count Vronsky and Anna Karenina. And if you're like me, you'll find it completely and undeniably intoxicating. Brilliant movie albeit slightly depressing.

Favourite Tweet of the day:

Word Generator from: http://watchout4snakes.com/creativitytools/randomword/randomwordplus.aspx

Definition from: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/orientation

Languages

I have just finished a flurry of exams, including my Mandarin GCSE coursework controlled assessments! Mandarin is not my first language, nor is it my second (although everyone assumes so because I'm Chinese). To me, your 'first language' is the first one you had contact with and you are very fluent. Maybe not your most fluent language, but it is the first language you were exposed to and so usually the one you speak and learn in. And so for me it goes:

1. Shanghainese

2. English

3. Mandarin

4. Spanish

(Oh and it can only count as a language if you can go to the country, and see yourself not desperately struggling if you lived there for a week or something xD). Now, some may say 'DAFUQ IS SHANGHAICRAPANESE??!!' 

Basically, it is a dialect, that is spoken in Shanghai. To me at least, it is a very casual sort of language. There are some words which are pretty similar to Mandarin, but in general, most words are completely different. More or less ALL Shanghainese speakers speak Mandarin, but this is not the same vice versa. In fact, most Mandarin speakers can't speak Mandarin. And this dialect, like many others, contains phrases, idioms, etc. that cannot be expressed in other languages, and any other possible translations doesn't capture the essence of what it means. At all. Do you really think Chinese people have prosperity and longevity in their normal dialect??!

TICK. TICK. TICK. TICK. TICK. GREAT, IT'S FULFILLED ALL SAID REQUIREMENTS. AND STILL NOTHING.

Shanghainese and Mandarin are even more different from each other than Spanish and Italian. So I don't see why it doesn't qualify as a language. I must digress though, 99.9% it isn't written. But in some circumstances (I can't think of any), people felt the need to have to write in down. And apparently the Shanghainese peeps were a bit lazy, and so said 'Let's use Mandarin instead,' and so Mandarin words are used to pronounce the characters. (see below, sorry if I made your phone spaz, I know some asian characters do do that to some devices. That's a hint you should GET IT UPGRADED. Just a tip.)

Shanghainese:

‘侬好！侬看到古伊伐？’

Mandarin:

‘你好！你看见过他吗？’

English:

Hello! Have you seen him (around)?'

Anyways, that's my rant over. So if you ever happen to stumble across someone who thinks otherwise, direct them kindly here, or give them a noogie from me. Yes. I actually said noogie.

Song of the Day:

Don't you Worry Child - Swedish House Mafia cover by Freak Morice (I don't like their new band name, so I'll stick with their old one).

I have yet to decide if the original or cover is better. But this is a good twist on the song, and I like how much more stripped down and raw it is in comparison and still sounds good. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4t_f-v6Tww

Favourite tweet of the day: